dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
