He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
