i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
