What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
