you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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