mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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