I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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