Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
