i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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