He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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