He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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