Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
my nose is crying tears of wow.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
