if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
