Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
