he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize