A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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