There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?