bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.