I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
