He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I deserve this hangover.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
