Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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