Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
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its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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