ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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