This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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