This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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