I wanna passion pit in your ass
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I cut my penus on the lid.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
