Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Verdict: uncircumcised.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
