TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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