But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
