it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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