he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
