I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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