They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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