is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
