I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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