You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
