well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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