well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just pee around me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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