No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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