Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
