I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
