I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
