I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
