No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How does it feel to date your dad?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
