Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
