mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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