it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize