I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
