I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I need water and some morals
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
