Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
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