My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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