Moan for me like Helen Keller
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Do you remember whose house we're in?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
