You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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