can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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