just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
