Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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