pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
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that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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