Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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