i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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