At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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