chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
