how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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