You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
