i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
