I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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