Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
accomplished twins. life is a go
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
