you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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