I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
