Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
