Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
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