dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
