Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I am available for nakedness
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
