I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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