The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
