I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
