i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
