the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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