Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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