you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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