i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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