Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
